2 ½ years after my divorce, I made an attempt to date and I was terrible at it. As much as I would have liked to put all of the blame on the new batch of men that are out, I just can’t. I was a romantic self-saboteur. I would always assume the worst in a person or get the idea that they would probably leave me just like everyone else. Before, I decided to face my fears- I was the “ghost” girl or as my friends called me “Reclusive Rochelle”.
I wrote this blog because I knew that I was not the only person who would self-destruct relationships, and to think about how we get to this place. There can be a lot of reasons, from past traumas with a serious relationship, parenting issues, and or even how we were raised- but self-sabotaging will always come down to fear.
There are two types of fear that we may have; 1. Fear of abandonment and or 2. Fear of losing who you are, after you have rebuilt from the past.
Here are my tips, on some things we can do to avoid killing our future of love.
1. DOA (Dead on arrival) Sometimes, we struggle with our confidence when we are getting back out on the scene, and the thought that we are worthy of having real love is impossible, so we attract or pick partners who show clear signs that they ARE NOT the one. We will see Mr. Crazy or Ms. Wrong across the street, and even though we know exactly how that looks or feels, we run through traffic just to get to them. As intriguing as it may be, let’s kill the thought on arrival. You deserve better and it is out there for you.
2. SELF-AWARNESS- Being conscious of how you act when you are dating is important, and often scary. I had to learn what my triggers were and have regular check-ins with myself. When I had moments of wanting to shut down and check out on a good guy, I would say “self?”, self would say “giirrllll”, and I would say “yep, I’m doing that thin