Something that is so hard for me to accept at times, is that we live in a world where when I look around, everywhere, everyone experiences some sort of hate. Specifically for me as a black woman, I am not acceptable amongst either side of black men on any given day, if I have too much going on I am an overly-independent assertive woman that brings out insecurities in a man to make him feel emasculated and if I am not having enough going on, and am too weak, and submissive and needy, then I am a good for nothing, gold-digging $40 cash app seeking bum.
In various professional environments, the dynamic is rather interesting as well. A lot of it I compartmentalize day to day interactions, as long as everyone respects my boundaries and no legal discrimination laws are being crossed. However, I can't help but notice some of the micro aggressive hateful messages, that can be translated at times when I am on the metro, cafe, or work gym. I get stuck with questioning if there is any innocence in the two white men, wanting to wait for the next elevator when there is plenty of room with us three black girls. Sometimes, I have to wonder if they saw me right behind them, and just didn't hold the door for me or is that just a lack of civility issue?
How quickly I see the administrators and the politicians forget about the lower class, especially as this new wave of gentrification suddenly creeps into our lower class neighborhoods. The expression from a politician when I asked about affordable options when a local grocery store was closing, with minimum wage only being $11 per hour, food stamps being reduced due to federal budgets, and housing grants have been exhausted for years, and their response was "Wegman's isn't even that expensive." Of course, on a $200,000 a year salary of taxpayers money, that would be the response.
Then those same people from those same areas that I grew up in, have no choice but to survive, because they no that no one cares. So, can we really blame them when they are quick to want to come up with a million dollar scheme to get over on a middle to rich class citizen at the drop of a dime. We wonder why the crime rates of theft, assault, and murder are high, when you have less opportunities. It's the hate that we give out.
God forbid, if I ever need any form of law enforcement, even if they don't tell me that they hate me, there is always a pretense notion that with their gun and their badge, they're smarter and right and better than I, so what is the point. For those that look like me, and or my male counterpart, they don't even have a chance. In my community, you can "smell" like drugs, be in handcuffs, and you will make it to the morgue before you even make it to see the commissioner or booking in County.
We can see the same women and men, that created lives together go into court rooms no more than 6-12 months after that child is born, and try to sabotage each other. The same bloodline of relatives, that you would think would be in mourning when their loved one die, would be thinking about who gets left with what material things, to be left not speaking for years over money. The same people that you would ride for and think are your friends, I have seen being the same ones that would take a 9mm and shoot you right in the head over an argument over twenty bucks and a bag of weed. It seems as though the survivor's mentality that the world teaches, has no room f